Cold Creek Manor

SYNOPSIS

Absolutely ludicrous from its hokey start to senseless finish, this ersatz haunted house thriller boasts only one shock - the fact that Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas) considered it worth directing. When city slickers Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone move to a dilapidated country mansion, they face redneck prejudice and sinister threats from former owner and ex-con Stephen Dorff, who wants to keep a dark family secret buried there. With every plot twist telegraphed well in advance, the best thing to do is sit back and stoically tick off each plodding spooky cliché as it appears. Complete with Dorff emanating badness from scene one and his trailer-trash girlfriend (Juliette Lewis) and her inscrutable sheriff sister (Dana Eskelson) refusing to believe the patently obvious, nothing makes sense in this technically proficient but bogus horror. More hilarious than creepy - Dorff infesting the house with poisonous snakes is embarrassingly overacted - think cold, creaky mannerisms instead.