'My Spy' Review

 
PG-13: For action/violence and languageRuntime: 1 Hr and 41 MinutesProduction Companies: MWM Studios, STXfilmsDistributor: Amazon StudiosDirector: Peter SegalWriters: Jon Hoeber, Erich HoeberCast: Dave Bautista, Chloe Coleman, Kristen Schaal, Ken JeongRelease Date: June 26, 2020 
MY SPY follows JJ a hardened CIA operative (Dave Bautista) who has been demoted and finds himself at the mercy of a precocious 9-year-old girl, named Sophie (Chloe Coleman) where he has been sent undercover begrudgingly to surveil her family. When Sophie discovers hidden cameras in her apartment she uses her tech savviness to locate where the surveillance operation is set. In exchange for not blowing JJ's cover Sophie convinces him to spend time with her and teach her to be a spy. Despite his reluctance JJ finds he is no match for Sophie's disarming charm and wit.
For the record, I’m going to go through with this quickly because:a) Who cares?b) I barely remember this movie and I’m not going to watch it again just to remember my criticisms. Sure, the film is completely accessible, but it’s simply not worth itc) Refer back to point AIn terms of recent Dave Bautista buddy comedies, this might be his best one yet. The dynamic he shares with some of his co-stars is funnier than what he had with Kumail Nanjiani in that lame comedy, Stuber. He’s leaning heavy into his “Drax the Destroyer” shtick, for he exudes that macho, hard-boiled exterior where his weird dialogue through deadpan delivery garners laughs. Most of the comedy relies on setting him up to have an exaggerated reaction despite his stern, joyless expression. As far as comedies go, that seems to be the only persona he can tackle, but his co-stars balance the dynamic. One of those co-stars is Chloe Coleman. I’ve never seen her before, so I assume that this is her debut role, but she’s really good. She doesn’t play up the cutesy tactic but instead challenges Bautista with her sass. The moments they share as they shoot the shit are the stronger parts of the film. Her delivery often cracked me up. The two have a fun dynamic that holds the picture together. Then, you have Kristen Schaal, who plays Bautista’s partner as the cliched technician-who-wants-to-be-a-field-agent subplot. Schaal exudes charisma and charm and is so naturally hysterical that she often steals the spotlight. The two share fun banter that you can tell was partially ad-libbed. Whenever Bautista pitches, Schaal swings and hits a home run.
Growing up as Gen-Z, I’ve seen this narrative of the hyper-masculine man (played by a famous action star/ex-pro wrestler) having to be the father figure/caregiver of a young, adorable kid done one too many times. We’ve had Vin Diesel in The Pacifier, Dwayne Johnson in The Game Plan, Jackie Chan in The Spy Next Door, Dwayne Johnson in The Tooth Fairy, etc. It’s been played out. Just last November we got John Cena doing the same exact thing in Playing With Fire. I know those are all different movies with different setups, but they follow the same formula. While My Spy is completely bland and formulaic, it did make me laugh more than I groaned. Given its PG-13 rating, the film has some tonal issues where it has an abundant amount of cuteness but features action sequences that warrant the rating. It reminds me of Ivan Reitman’s Kindergarten Cop, which, for some reason, keeps getting passed as a family film because it’s cute but is also edgy in its humor and dark with its action, which earned it a PG-13 rating. My Spy, on the other hand, is much lighter and, while it does have some edgy humor that screams PG-13, it's overshadowed by its formulaic family comedy sensibilities.Don’t get me wrong, I laughed several times throughout this movie, but at the end of the day, the narrative and craft of My Spy are so banal. It’s as if there was a modicum of effort in the writing and acting departments that gave this film a glimmer of potential, but director Peter Segal and his editor actively wanted to kick it down. It falls into those trappings of literally every “macho man paired with little kid” comedy where his heart begins to grow and he gets together with the kid’s mom, who’s actually the target of the entire mission. Blah blah blah. We’ve seen it countless times that even criticizing the lame filmmaking and terrible editing feels redundant. All of the other similar movies, such as The Game Plan and The Pacifier, suffered from the same issues. My Spy is formulaic as hell, but it made me laugh countless times. Unfortunately, the rote filmmaking and piss-poor editing make it forgettable and it certainly belongs on a streaming service. AND WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW? THAT’S WHERE IT ENDED UP! So… watch it on Prime, I guess. God, this is such a weird position where I have mixed feelings on a movie that I saw in theaters — which was initially intended for theaters — but is now on a streaming service due to the unexpected circumstances. Ugh, in an alternate reality where the virus never happened and this was released on March 13, this movie would’ve been a 2.5. But because it’s on Prime Video where it belongs and is accessible for everyone and is entertaining from the comfort from your own home… it’s a 3. Hey, it was either going to be a high 2.5 or a low 3 regardless. You win this round, Bautista!  
I’ve said it a few times this year and I’ll say it again: Thank God mediocre movies are getting sent straight to VOD where they belong. The release of My Spy had been pushed back so many times that I lost count. I totally forgot it was hitting Amazon Prime until the eve of its release. Believe it or not, My Spy, which had suffered from as many delays and mishaps as Disney’s New Mutants, was the last theatrical experience I had this year. The situation was terrible because the movie was marketed as a family film, yet it received a PG-13 rating, which didn’t stop families from taking their kids to the theater to see it. It was a weird scenario where the press screening was still held even though STX pushed the film’s release back for the umpteenth time — from March 13 to April 19. I had an annoying ass family sitting behind me at the screening and their kid kept kicking my seat. The kid next to him kept turning on his phone’s flashlight. A kid behind that family kept coughing. So, the matriarch of the shitty family right behind me tried to say, “Cover that kid’s mouth,” or whatever, but since she was basic and rude she ended up saying, “Can you shut your kid’s mouth?” Obviously, a verbal argument erupted. It went on for two minutes and all hell was about to break loose. It was one of those situations where if fists were flying, a guy would’ve come out screaming, “WORLDSTAR!” Out of all movies to start beef at, had to be My Spy, a comedy that deserved to be on VOD or a streaming platform from the getgo. Thankfully, that ended up being the fate of the movie. Sorry, but I don't think this would’ve survived in theaters.Rating: 3/5 | 60%