Show Dogs Review
PG: Suggestive and rude humor, language and some actionGlobal Road EntertainmentDir: Raja Gosnell | Writers: Max Botkin, Marc Hyman1 Hr and 32 MinutesCast: Will Arnett, Natasha Lyonne, Omar ChaparroVoice Cast: Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Stanley Tucci, Jordin Sparks, Gabriel Iglesias, Shaquille O’Neal, RuPaul, Alan Cumming
Max, a macho, solitary Rottweiler police dog is ordered to go undercover as a primped show dog in a prestigious Dog Show, along with his human partner, to avert a disaster from happening. THE GOODBy God, Will Arnett. You deserve better. With every single aspect about the film being so banal and generic, the only person who is charismatic and having a great time is Will Arnett. Unlike a lot of human actors in these live-action-talking-animal movies, Arnett has to be the best one who actually gave a shit. Granted, you can see the words “I did this for my kids” on his forehead, but he is genuinely having a good time. The movie isn’t worthy enough for his talent but at this point, you can’t blame him. Arnett is LEGO Batman, Surly in “The Nut Job”, and soon will be Slade in “Teen Titans GO! To the Movies.” Shit, he’s a producer on “Teen Titans GO! To the Movies.” Doing absurd kids films is up his alley and he is such a joy to watch on screen.With all the dogs having weird (and mostly annoying) personalities, the one who actually had me interested and actually made me give an ounce of a shit was this character named Philippe voiced by Stanley Tucci. Tucci is pulling off an annoying and stereotypical French accent, but something about the backstory they gave him and his little character arc made me go:
THE BADI’ve learned how to reserve my anger and judgement with movies like this. Especially with something coming from a director whose best film was “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”. In my opinion, I think that movie, as a kid’s film, is decent.DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I WAS WHEN “BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA” CAME OUT?! I was 10! Fucking 10! I’m 20 now! It has been a decade since that movie was released and this is how far Raja Gosnell has come? Making more talking animal movies?I give it this: as a live-action-talking-animal family movie, “Show Dogs” is marginally better than 2010’s “Marmaduke,” which is an abysmal film that spits on the comic strips they were based on. Thankfully, this isn’t based on anything. That being said, the story is as banal as you can get. It follows every buddy-cop family film but at this point, I expect at least better from this guy. Just a smidge. These movies peaked when it was “Homeward Bound,” from the story to the effects and the characters that film followed. Here, nearly every character is annoying and shallow. The vocal performances are tired and lazy, especially from Ludacris who is speaking with one tone. Even when he’s trying to emote, he sounds exactly the same. All of his dialogue is terrible where his lines mostly comprise of puns.I got nothing else to say about this movie. “Show Dogs” is as trite as a family film goes. I thought we stopped making movies like this back in the 00s but I guess not. Everything you expected from the terrible trailer, from this:
To this:
And, of course, THIS:
Are all in the final cut but with more bizarre moments that make you cringe. For fuck sake, there are way too many story elements include Max's balls getting touched. I am not making this shit up. Seriously tomorrow a revised version of "Show Dogs" is coming out where they re-edit those weird ass scenes. So as of the day of this review, you less than 24 hours before you're unable to witness the weirdest fucking sequence in a kids movie in years since the hallucination scene in "The Good Dinosaur". If you got 4-year-olds they’ll get a kick out of this but, remember, you have “Incredibles 2” and better movies at home you can introduce them to. It may be the only kids movie in theaters at the moment, but who cares. Be patient. Better things are coming.LAST STATEMENTWhile Will Arnett is the only one who is showing effort, “Show Dogs” is a disposable family feature that may not be the worst in show but still not one to ever recommend. Have fun watching this on Nickelodeon in 2020.Rating: 1/5 | 24%Super scene: Phillippe's story.
