The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

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Unlike most murders that usually last for seconds or even hours, for the first time in the fabulous history of cinema, this premeditated, peculiarly cold-blooded and utterly merciless one, lasts for years. To be more specific, at first, it started as an unobtrusive annoyance, but shortly afterwards, it became a genuinely dreadful and sticky threat, forcing the hapless Forensic Pathologist Jack Cucchiaio to run for his life. The menace: A feral omnipresent entity that never sleeps, never forgets, and above all, never forgives. The weapon of choice: An exceptionally ineffective old-fashioned spoon. Chances of survival: None.