Underwater Review

 
PG-13: Sci-fi action and terror, and brief strong languageRuntime: 1 Hr and 35 MinutesProduction Companies: Chernin Entertainment, TSG EntertainmentDistributor: 20th Century FoxDirector: William EubankWriters: Brian Duffield, Adam CozadCast: Kristen Stewart, Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick, John Gallagher Jr., Mamoudou Athie, T.J. MillerRelease Date: January 10, 2020
Seven miles beneath the ocean’s surface, aquatic researchers working for a mega rich mining drill company must try to reach the surface after an unexpected earthquake destroys their rig and inadvertently unleashes unspecified creatures with intent to kill. 
The biggest compliment that I do give this film is that, given its title, I think this would be an exceptional visual board if Hollywood ever wants to make a Bioshock movie. For a film set in a subterranean environment, it captures the visual aesthetic of the aforementioned game from a production design standpoint. Even the designs of the alien creatures appear to have been influenced by Bioshock. Heck, it even manages to nail the claustrophobic atmosphere of the game that gets your heart pulsating. Nevertheless, when the crew is forced to travel across the sea bed from one checkpoint to the next to find safety in the midst of carnivorous alien creatures, that’s when you begin to feel the adrenaline rush.
For all you K. Stew fans out there who were disappointed with Charlie’s Angels, don’t worry, you get the badass Kristen Stewart action hero moments (that mostly occur in the latter half of the movie). Her character Norah is positioned as the central focus of the narrative. While her arc is nothing special and you can predict her fate once her cards are all laid out, I was endeared by her performance. Norah’s camaraderie with her co-workers is believable, which makes some of the horror or disaster elements intense whenever they’re applied. Plus, not to give too much away, but the climax features a bikini-clad Stewart amongst the underwater aliens and it’s honestly badass, even down to her final internal monologue which is 100% something Stewart would actually say. Or the punchline to the monologue because the monologue itself is pretty cheesy. Kristen Stewart can be an action star, there just has to be some good action role waiting for her in the distance because I know she can do it. She just needs the right project! Put her in a John Wick movie! She’ll kick ass in it and that’s what she deserves.Now, to return to the alien creature design. As unoriginal and formulaic as this movie is (which I will get to in a minute), I will say one thing that pleasantly took me by surprise. In the third act, there is this titan-sized alien creature and whoa momma she is gorgeous. It was jaw-droppingly impressive for how detailed it was and how original it looked. The creature — imma refer to her as Big Boss Belle — is the final boss of the flick and personally, I’ve never seen anything like her in film. She’s something straight out of a Cloverfield movie. She is a major beauty and she’s honestly too good for this movie. She truly is. It was the only aspect that managed to retrieve a genuine reaction from me. When Big Boss Belle arrived, I went:
Once I got a clear view of the creature, which I will not describe, I started beaming and thought:
God, Big Boss Belle. You really had me just with your presence and unique design that is too good for this wannabe James Cameron sci-fi horror flick.
Can we please retire the Aliens blueprint? Not Ridley Scott’s Aliens, but James Cameron’s Aliens. It seems like every sci-fi horror’s blueprint for the past 15 years has been using that exact formula and sucking out all of its specialties without hitting the right components that made Aliens special. When they do, they just hit the same plodded beats. It seems like every sci-fi horror movie’s premise has been, “What if Aliens but in a different terrain?” or, “What if Aliens but people get killed off in different ways?” Even Ridley Scott, the man who created the franchise, starting using Cameron’s formula for his own Aliens prequels. The only sci-fi flick that was able to escape the binary of the formula was Alex Garland’s Annihilation, which had better characterization, good pacing, a well thought-out narrative, and creative elements throughout. It has so much more to offer than the surface-level blueprint of the genre. If only this movie had its own badass subterranean creature killer expert as a guide, a la underwater Riddick, if you will. Any sort exciting element to give this generic creature feature an identity of its own in order for it to stand out as much as its badass final boss. 
The only advantage Underwater has is the fact that it’s set underwater. So, here we have, “Aliens in a subterranean environment.” I think that’s cool and all… if it wasn’t for the fact that James Cameron already did this exact same thing 30 years ago with The Abyss. It has the premise of The Abyss and the execution of Aliens. Remember that infamous “Simpsons Did It” episode from South Park where General Disarray, the sidekick to Butters’ super villain alter-ego Professor Chaos, calls out all of Chaos’ schemes and refers back to an episode of The Simpsons? Well, I wish a writer, producer, someone in Hollywood could do that to an exec whenever a studio greenlights a sci-fi horror project that resembles Aliens and say, “Cameron did it. Cameron did it,” as encouragement for them to attempt something new. Or, if you’re not going to do anything original with the pre-existing concept (and no, putting it in a non-space terrain doesn’t cut it), at least develop the characters outside of the surface-level lines of exposition that reveals their background or photos of their deceased loved ones. The only bit of characterization that Norah receives is this nonsensical opening narration from her to make this seem like some sort of contemplative feature (something which James Grey’s Ad Astra significantly prospered from and was consistent with), but that’s only brief, for it’s disrupted by an explosion followed by immediate chaos and that narration never returns until the finale.Underwater treads the same waters as every Alien-like sci-fi horror, utilizing so many familiar elements that have become outdated in of itself, even down to killing off the only Black dude first. I know that’s a spoiler, but seriously, it's been vocalized enough in recent years how tiresome this trope has become, yet they still follow through with it! Even the reason why Mamoudou Athie’s character — who you don’t even get to know — gets killed off is pathetic. His death is as powerful as Slipknot in Suicide Squad, if not worse because his death is meant as foreshadowing. Yeah, it establishes the stakes, but having a Black dude implode due to a faulty helmet under pressure to foreshadow someone’s future death (which is ultimately intended to be a glorious sacrifice)... then yeah, imma be salty towards this. It’s 2020, stop using this lazy horror trope!
Speaking of outdated… T.J. Miller. It’s funny to see a movie released in 2020 use 2010-2017’s darling boy T.J. Miller — whose presence has become completely outdated — in a movie that was shot in the year prior to his universal decline. This movie was shot in 2017, the year when Miller was at the — and I say this lightly — “top of his game”. The principal photography for this was shot long before the #MeToo sexual assault allegations and his huge Amtrak debacle in 2018. Plus, this movie was shelved for a while before Disney and Fox’s merger and his controversies died down a bit, so I cannot fault the movie for his presence. I WILL fault the movie for casting T.J. Miller as the comedic relief and not providing any material for him because God knows the material he comes up for himself is weak, unfunny, and obnoxious. Seriously, if the “funniest” thing you can come up with is having Miller turn on a music player which plays the Avril Lavigne cover of the Spongebob Squarepants theme from 2004, that’s just a testament to how weak the script truly is. Every “joke” Miller delivers is so unbearably bad. None of his jokes land, yet the camera is set on him so often (like even a friggin’ closeup up shot of his ass in ripped underwear) that the only thing you’re eager to see is how he gets maimed off. His performance in this is like a scab that you want to rip off but you can’t because you know it’s going to be there regardless and you can’t do anything but live with it. You just have to sit there and embrace the cricket sounds after one of his jokes fall flat… and believe me, there are a lot of them. That being said, there are some aspects to be enjoyed in Underwater. It’s rather well paced, prospers from a really short running time, and has some intense action sequences, especially in the post-Miller portion of the film. As far as January movies go, this is a watchable, well-crafted film of value best viewed at home. If this was to end up on either HBO or Hulu or wherever Fox movies go to stream these days thanks to Disney, I would say watch it there. It’s generic, albeit somewhat entertaining. Rating: 2.5/5 | 54%